Dear Incompetent Manager

To all those who struggle with incompetent managers, this one is for you. (wink wink!)

Dear Incompetent Manager,

When Laurence J. Peter wrote “The Peter Principle,” he was a prophet indeed. In fact, I think he had you in mind when he wrote the book. I find people like you reside between super incompetent and incompetent, although I think in today’s culture many reside in the excessively super incompetent category, you know, like you.

You suffer from no-talent-phobia and to spare the well-being and health of all your subordinates, you should quit your job. And no, no likes you that damn much that they want you to stay.

I mean honestly, how can you live with yourself? You hide behind company mission statements and slogans to mask your inability. You know the saying, “those who can’t do teach.” Please, do us a favor and try not to teach us because you are in no position to teach anything…but I digress.

Understand, it is people like you who got into your position because someone had the nerve to like you. You speak great silky, swelling words. You know just enough lingo to get by. You rely upon the expertise of others when in fact you know absolutely nothing and it shows. Spending countless hours on PowerPoint creating a graph is not building a skill set. It means you are procrastinating because you don’t know what you are doing.

I mean, you are so out of your league that the most underdeveloped employee starts looking like a master of excellence. Instead of focusing on producing results, you know, those pesky things called deliverables, you want to talk about the design of the bullet points, the font size of letters. You nitpick at others work to deflect from your deep rooted insecurities and inability to comprehend the most fundamental aspects of a job.

No doubt your eyes are focusing on the bigger trophy, the larger office, the promotion and in order to get there, by any means necessary, that means you steal other people’s work, don’t give them credit and pretend like you worked countless hours on a project you don’t even remember why you prioritized in the pipeline to work in the first place.

You are just plain stupid. There is no other way around it. Sure, you can brag about having a degree, but that doesn’t translate into real life work experience. It just means you dedicated countless hours to study a body of knowledge that may or may not have any real impact in your professional life.

Although your office appears clean, you are in reality very disorganized. You overschedule meetings, miss meetings or don’t remember the reason for the meeting. Every time you open your mouth, you spend more time asking questions about a topic than you do providing direction and offering solutions. You constantly piggyback off of others because you don’t have anything to add. In meetings with your vice president, you conveniently skip over details or talk fluff because you know he doesn’t know what is going on — and you use that to your advantage.

When your subordinates believe you aren’t doing any work, most likely that means you aren’t. A pathetic excuse of a person you are and you know it, but because the people under you cannot terminate your employment, you continue being the piece of despicable sloth that everyone despises and holds their noses in your presence because they fear any perceived offense could be used as a weapon to humiliate and hold them hostage.

I despise people like you. Not because you are wise to do evil (although I hate that too), but because you produce nothing. You take comfort in ambiguity and chaos to mask your incompetence. You are so pathetic that you don’t even know how to manage the chaos due to your failure to bring solutions. You know if you had the ability to solve a problem, that might make you obsolete, but we all know, you aren’t smart enough to think that far.

Remember this, riding off the coattails of your employees who know their jobs well has a limited life span. They won’t be there forever and when they move on, your incompetence will be revealed, and you will have to give an account. Do the company and employees a favor and fire yourself.

Respectfully,

No F*cks Given

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